FCS Issue
I Have a Secret I Cannot Tell:
A Child's View of Domestic Violence

Dr. Beth Wilson, CFCS, CFLE
Professor and Chair
Department of Family and Consumer Sciences
Harding University

Exposure to violence is a daily event for most Americans. However, for many of our children, there is no safe haven because the violence is in their own homes. Children may observe this violence directly or they may overhear the actions or words from another part of the residence, such as their own bedroom. Are there lasting effects for this most vulnerable population? Systematic studies to answer this question began in the 1980s. Evidence is accumulating that being observers or victims of domestic violence affects the child on many physical, emotional, social and cognitive dimensions. Children living with domestic violence in the home are often the forgotten victims.

A Child's View: "I heard loud noises in the night, I thought it was a monster. But it wasn't a monster. It was my Daddy. He makes loud monster noises when he hits my mommy."

Two major myths about children's exposure to violence include:

MYTH: Young children, by virtue of age and developmental stage, are less affected by exposure to violence. FACT: Research evidence is accumulating at a rapid rate that exposure to domestic violence results in potentially long-term, serious consequences regardless of the age of the child.

MYTH: Violence is solely an urban problem. FACT: Domestic violence knows no racial, cultural, religious, geographic or educational boundaries. Between 3.3 million and 25 million children experience domestic violence in their home each year. The number is greatly under-reported because of the secrecy and "don't tell" rules in the environment. Forty percent of suspected child abuse also includes a history of domestic violence.

Further, in homes where partner abuse occurs, children are 15 times more likely to be abused. When children are killed during a domestic dispute, 90% are under age 10; 56% are under age 2. Other correlates include: 70% of men in court-ordered treatment for domestic violence witnessed it as a child. Ninety-five (95) percent of boys and 72% of girls witnessing domestic violence will carry abuse into their own relationships. Thus, creating the "cycle of domestic violence."

Domestic violence often escalates during pregnancy. Preliminary research reports the following outcomes for the child:

• Lower birth weight.
• Greater risk of exhibiting developmental problems.
• Changes in brain development, impacting cognitive development, "a child's ability to learn."
• Traumatizing experiences may over stimulate the neural pathways that control the fear response, leaving the child in a permanently heightened state of fear or anticipation, even in the absence of traumatizing stimuli. What effects might be seen in a child witness of domestic violence

EMOTIONAL EFFECTS:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Fear
• Confusion
• Anger
• Depression
• Grief
• Burden (inappropriate roles as caretaker)

BEHAVIORAL EFFECTS:

• Acting out or withdrawal
• Overachiever or underachiever
• Aggressive or passive
• Rigid defenses
• Nightmares
• Attention seeking behaviors
• Regression to earlier stage, for example, bed-wetting

PHYSICAL EFFECTS:

• Somatic complaints (headaches, asthma, stomach aches)
• Short attention span
• Lethargic, tired, appearance of laziness
• Frequent illness, colds, flu, etc.
• Poor personal hygiene
• No response to physical pain

SOCIAL EFFECTS:

• Isolated, lack of friends, distant in relationships
• Starts friendships intensively, ending abruptly
• Difficulty in trusting others
• Lack of conflict resolution skills
• Avoidance of home and spending time with family

COGNITIVE EFFECTS:

• Feels responsibility for violence or problems
• Blames others for their behavior
• Hitting or verbally abusing others is acceptable
• Low self-concept
• Cannot ask for what they need
• Lack of trust and commitment

Goals for these children must be to provide safe havens and children's programs aimed at early intervention, strengthening self-esteem, while increasing each child's ability to protect themselves and become socially competent. Our challenge is to truly listen to the children - their words, their behaviors, their feelings, their thoughts, and their needs.

All of us are stakeholders in the quest to prevent domestic violence in the home environment of children in the critical early years. All children deserve the opportunity to reach their highest potential - we must not allow them to become "hidden casualties." Prevention and early intervention efforts may offer children the best hope for violence-free, loving families.