FCS Issue
Temperament: Coming To Understand
and Parent the Difficult Infant and Toddler
Denise Fisher, Adjunct Instructor
Department of Family and Consumer Sciences, Harding University
Many of the qualities associated with difficult children can actually become strengths with the understanding and guidance of parents and caregivers. Often the child defined as "difficult" is an above-average child who needs above-average parenting. Parenting the child who is spirited (sometimes, labeled difficult) can be very frustrating and challenging. The parent or caregiver needs to understand temperament, the temperamental traits common to a difficult child, and effective parenting techniques.
What is temperament? Temperament generally refers to a child's inborn behavioral style or innate tendencies to act a certain way (Forehand, Long, 1996). Temperament is a source of individual differences that are inherent in the individual, that may be genetic, and appear early in life. It is a predisposition that allows two children to experience the same event very differently within the range of normal behavior and development.
Researchers have identified several temperament traits. A combination of these traits makes up a child's temperament. Child psychiatrists Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess collected longitudinal data from over 100 children, following them from infancy through early adulthood. From this study they defined three major temperamental types: easy, difficult and slow-to-warm up. They found that children could be rated on each of nine dimensions: activity level, regularity, the tendency to approach or withdraw, adaptability, threshold of responsiveness, intensity or energy level of reactions, quality of mood, distractibility and attention span, and persistence. About 10 percent of the children studied were called difficult. They had irregular patterns of eating and sleeping, withdrew negatively to new stimuli, did not adapt easily to change, and were of intense mood which was often negative (Arcus, 1998).
How do you identify the difficult child? There are nine temperamental traits that can be examined:
- Intensity: Every reaction is deep and powerful; he never just cries, but wails and is easily frustrated.
- Persistence: He has a tendency to "lock-in" on an activity; will not easily give up on an idea and whines relentlessly; may have long tantrums; can be stubborn and demanding.
- Sensitivity: He must have quiet in order to sleep; affected by scratchy textures; a picky eater; gags easily from odors; picks up on your stress.
- Perceptiveness/Distractibiltiy: Notices things most people miss; forgets multiple directions; tunes you out; daydreams.
- Adaptability: Adapts slowly to changes in his schedule or routine; may be very upset by surprises.
- Regularity: Irregular about eating times, sleeping times, and the amount of sleep needed.
- Energy: Always on the move and busy; even moves all over the bed when sleeping; gets "revved up" or wild.
- Initial Withdraw/First Reaction: Rejects activities at first; holds back before participating; protests by crying or clinging.
- Mood: More serious and analytical; doesn't show pleasure openly.
Each child is different and will not have all of the traits mentioned and to the same degree. It is helpful to identify a child's traits in order to better understand the child, who they are, their strengths and the special challenges they bring to you. Recent research suggests that temperament traits are tendencies that can be modified by parenting style and environmental factors (Forehand, Long, 1996). Temperament and parenting are linked, you can influence your child's behavior through your parenting practices.
What parenting practices can help when dealing with a difficult infant? From the beginning, parent and baby need to find a way to "fit". The goal of parenting a difficult child is to shape each other's behavior so that both of your temperaments mesh, rather than clash. Difficult infants need a responsive style of parenting. Even when the baby seems to be rejecting you, or well-meaning friends try to convince you that you need to let your baby cry it out, parents of a difficult baby need to adapt a high-touch, attachment style of parenting: carry him a lot, feed on cue, and respond sensitively to his cries. Do not take your baby's cries personally.
The second step is to develop your skills as a baby-comforter. Most calming techniques involve rhythmic motion, soothing sounds, visual distractions, and close physical contact and touching. Try wearing your baby in a sling. Dance with your baby, swing, take a drive in a car for at least 20 minutes, take a stroll with a carriage, bounce or walk your baby.
Along with motion, most babies are soothed by sounds and visual distractions. The most calming sounds are low-pitched, monotonous, and rhythmic such as a clock, vacuum cleaner, fan, dishwasher, or a tape of a waterfall. You can also tape record lullabies in your own voice. To visually distract your baby, hold him in front of a mirror or spend time in face-to-face contact. Difficult babies demand a lot of connecting experiences such as eye-to-eye contact, so spend time talking and making faces at your baby.
What helps when the difficult baby moves into toddlerhood? Intensity is probably one of the most challenging temperamental traits to manage in a difficult toddler. Difficult children do not understand their own intensity. It is important for parents to continually talk to their child. Label, describe, and explain their emotions. Give legitimacy to what they are feeling and provide positive words to describe them. Provide soothing activities such as warm baths and water play, stories, and imaginative play. Help the child use humor to divert intense reactions and use time-out only as a calming technique.
Try to protect your child from overstimulation. Limit television, especially violent programs. They don't just watch Power Rangers, they become Power Rangers, bouncing all over the house. Sensitivity battles also occur over eating and dressing. Provide healthy food then allow your child to choose how much he will eat. Even if their first reaction to a food is negative, try serving it again in the future. Purchase clothing that is easy to put on and take off and that feels good. Remove scratchy tags and allow plenty of time for dressing.
As with any child, firm, consistent discipline practices are important, but with a difficult child they become even more important. The difficult child needs structure and set routines. Changes in routine and transitions from one activity to another often lead to problems. Provide clear, consistent rules and an environment that is child-safe and as touchable as possible. Plan shopping trips during good-mood times, bring along a survival kit including activities and objects your child enjoys. When power struggles occur, assume a leadership role and calmly let your child know that you are in control of the situation.
Difficult children have many wonderful qualities, these are kids who care. As parents and as caregivers we must try to understand their individual temperaments. We must try to adjust our own parenting style and tecniques to fit their temperaments. The child needs our help to shape his particular qualities in the most advantageous way. We must think of our job as shaping, molding and teaching. Difficult children love intensely and enrich the lives of those around them.
For more information:
Olson, Melissa D. (1996) Ten Keys to Unlocking Temperament. ASU Research, Sping/Summer 1996.
researchmag.asu.edu/stories/10keys.html
Temperament Project. (2001) Facts About Temperament.
www.temperamentproject.bc.ca/html/facts.html
Bower, Bruce. (2001) Infant Temperament Shows Its Flexibility.
www.wiley.com/college/psyc/westen240494/student/mod2/julyupdate/infant14.html
Arcus, Doreen. (1998) Temperament. Gale Encyclopedia of Childhood and Adolescence.
www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/g2602/0005/2602000522/print.jhtml
Forehand, Rex and Long, Nicholas. Parenting the Strong-Willed Child.
Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy. Raising Your Spirited Child.
Lahaye, Beverly. How to Develop Your Child's Temperament.
Sears, William and Sears, Martha. Parenting the Fussy Baby and High-Need Child.